Running in Circles
by Arin DeStruction
Summary: Spencer Reid thinks he's met the perfect woman for him. When her past catches up with her, will it tear them apart or bring them closer together?
1. Chapter 1

**Running in Circles **

**Chapter One**

Kinsley Hayes walked into the bookstore she owned and looked around for her assistant, Alice. She spotted her stocking shelves over to the right of the shop and ran over.

"Hey, I'm glad you're here. I have to pop out for a bit. Can you keep it up here while I'm gone?" Kinsley asked in her posh-sounding British accent.

Alice furrowed her brow at her boss. "You just got here? And besides, you're already late."

"I know, I know. I stopped to get coffee since our machine is on the fritz and I had a slight klutz moment. I had to go and change." Kinsley smiled, laughing.

"You live in an infinite klutz moment, Kins."

"Oh, do shut up." Kinsley laughed. "Do you remember me talking about that guy I've heard speak at lectures a few times?"

"Oh, you mean the genius dude you're obsessed with? What about him?"

"I'm not obsessed with him! He's just… Incredibly smart and that is very, very sexy." Kinsley laughed. "Anyways, I accidentally bumped into him at the coffee shop and spilled both of our coffees all over each other. He dropped something as he was leaving and I want to return it to him."

"Uh-huh. You '_accidentally' _bumped it to him. I got you." Alice laughed. "Go ahead. It's slow right now. Obviously."

Kinsley hugged her friend and laughed. "You're my favorite. I'll be back soon!" She said, rushing out the door.

* * *

Kinsley walked nervously into the BAU office looking around for a familiar face. A dark-skinned man smiled at her and approached.

"Can I help you with something?" He asked.

"I'm looking for, uh, Spencer Reid? I'm the reason he might have been late this morning." She replied. "We had a mishap at the coffee shop."

"Sure thing. I know just where he's at." Derek Morgan walked back out of the room and found Spencer at the coffee pot. "There's a hot, British chick asking for you up front." He winked.

"Really?" Spencer asked, pouring coffee into his personal mug.

"Oh, yeah. Redheaded and really sexy. You know her?"

"Maybe. I'll be right out."

Derek walked back out and smiled again at Kinsley. "He's coming."

"Thank you." She smiled as Spencer made his way up to her with a look in his eye that said he was trying to remember her. "Coffee shop this morning? I ran into you and spilled our drinks all over the both of us?"

"Oh, yeah. I had to go and change. Can I help you with something?"

Kinsley held out a cup of coffee. "I promise that I'm not a stalker, first off. But I figured I owed you for spilling your drink."

Spencer took the cup from her and sat it down. "How did you find me?"

Kinsley started digging in her bag and produced a notebook. "You dropped this when I knocked into you. I knew you looked familiar, but I just couldn't place you. I opened to the front page to see if there was a name. I've been to a couple lectures that you've spoken at and I've seen you on the news before." She handed the notebook over with a smile. "And I'm kind of good with computers, so I found you." She paused. "That sounds a little stalkerish."

Spencer took the notebook and smiled back. "Thank you. You really didn't have to track me down." He took a good look at the woman while he waited for her to answer.

Kinsley had long red hair, bright blue eyes, and a mischievous smile. She was wearing a Marvel superhero tank top, strappy gladiator sandals, and high-waisted shorts. Her hair was in a loose side braid and she was wearing minimal make-up. She had a few tattoos, a Monroe piercing, and her ears were gauged. Spencer couldn't help but think that she was beautiful. He picked up his coffee mug to take a drink and her eyes widened.

"I'm sorry… Is that a TARDIS mug?"

Spencer nodded. "You know Doctor Who?"

"I'm British, Dr. Reid." Kinsley laughed. "It's almost illegal to not like it over there. I just- I think that's the same one I have at work and at home."

"Who's your favorite Doctor?" Spencer asked, skeptical, setting his cup down and resisting the urge to smile.

"Oh, do you always ask the tough questions right off the bat?" Kinsley laughed. "It's probably a tie between Four and Nine. A little dark, a little humorous, you know."

"Really?" Spencer cracked a smile.

"My Gran is probably the biggest Whovian I know. She had introduced me to Classic Who way before New Who even began." Kinsley smiled.

Spencer looked at his watch. "I'm sorry, is this keeping you from getting to work?"

"I'm actually self-employed, but my boss does get a bit tetchy if I'm late." Kinsley laughed and winked.

"What do you do?" Spencer leaned against his desk and crossed his arms, looking interested.

"I own a bookstore." Kinsley smiled as Spencer's eyes lit up. "I like to say that I specialize in rare and unusual books, but I don't have quite as many as I would like." She thought for a second. "But I do have one book that is bound in human skin. That one's not for sale, it's just my selling point to try and get people to come in."

"I would love to see that, actually. They're incredibly rare."

"As long as you don't ask how I acquired it, I would love to show you. How about… How about we go out for coffee sometime and I'll bring you to the shop and show you?"

Spencer blushed. "That- that sounds great."

"Okay." Kinsley smiled. "Give me your number and I'll call you. I'd say that I'd give you my number instead, but I already know what I'm going to say when I call you. I figure you'd probably stress over calling me for a week, work up to it, and then stress for another week about what to say." Kinsley smiled.

Spencer fumbled around his desk, slightly embarrassed that she had read him so well in just a few minutes, looking for a pen and paper while his forgotten coworkers looked on. He quickly copied down his cell phone number and handed over the paper. "I don't think I got your name."

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's Kinsley. It was very nice to actually meet you. But I have to run." She took the paper from Spencer and smiled. "I'll get ahold of you soon." She turned to walk out the door and paused to look back at Spencer and wave.

"Reid?" Derek snapped Spencer out of his daze as the door shut behind Kinsley.

"Yeah?" Spencer answered, staring at the door.

"Marry that girl."

"I'm going to." Spencer quickly replied, causing everyone to chuckle. He sat down at his computer and a few minutes later, his text alert went off.

_Hey, it's Kinsley. Hoping you didn't give me a fake number. ;)_

_**Of course I didn't. I didn't expect you to text me so quickly.**_

_Just testing it out and making sure I got it right._

"Did she text you already?" Derek asked, when he noticed Spencer typing away on his phone.

"Actually, she did." Spencer looked back at his phone.

"Dude, she wants it. Bad." Derek chuckled.

"Wants what?" Spencer furrowed his brow in confusion.

"You, my man. She wants you."

_So, how about tomorrow around noon? Same coffee shop? I promise to not spill any drinks on you._

"She just asked me out tomorrow at noon."

"Told you." Derek patted Spencer on the shoulder. "Don't freak out. It's just a date."

"I-I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out?"

Derek chuckled. "She's just another person, Reid. Just don't scare her away with all of your random facts."

"What if she likes the random facts? She did say that she's sat in on lectures that I've spoken at."

"Okay, big shot. Whatever you say." Derek laughed and began to walk off.

"I gave her my number in Roman numerals. It took her less than 15 minutes to text me." Spencer looked a little smug at the fact.

"What did you say the last time you tried that? If she gets it, she's worth a shot?" Derek smiled.

_**That sounds great. I'll meet you there.**_

"I'm gonna give it a shot. I said yes."

"Like I said, player. Marry her." Derek clapped Spencer on the shoulder.

* * *

**A/N: So, this is my first attempt at CM… If anyone seems a little OOC, let me know and I will do my best to fix it! I don't own anything except the plot, Kinsley, Alice, and the bookstore. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Running in Circles**

**Chapter Two**

Kinsley sat her glass of wine on the table in her office and looked at her phone. "Wow. We've been here for a long time. It's after 11."

"We've been together almost twelve hours?" Spencer sat his own glass down and checked his watch. "And Morgan said you wouldn't like me spouting off random facts."

Kinsley laughed. "I think I was giving just as many as you were." She picked up her wine glass and finished what was left. "Gosh, I really need to be getting home. And I'm sure you do, as well."

Spencer emptied his glass and stood up. "Where do you live? I'll get you a cab."

"I actually only live a couple blocks away. I can walk from here."

"Can I walk with you? Make sure you get home safe?" Spencer slung his messenger bag over his shoulder as they started to walk out of the building.

"I would love that."

The pair walked out of the bookstore and Kinsley locked up.

"I don't understand. Why a bookstore?"

"I don't follow…?" Kinsley replied as they began walking.

"You have three PhDs, three Masters, and a Bachelors. You have an IQ of 175 and you speak 20 languages." Spencer recapped Kinsley's details about herself.

"23 languages." Kinsley corrected, smiling.

"Sorry, 23. But you own a bookstore."

"Books are my passion." Kinsley smiled. "What can I say?" Spencer's hand bumped hers and she took it and laced their fingers together. Spencer looked down at their hands in shock, but tightened his grasp a little when Kinsley tried to pull away. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"I was wanting to, just didn't know how..." Spencer shrugged. "You like sci-fi and you collect comic books. You're practically the perfect woman."

"You're one of the only ones to say that." Kinsley laughed. "Most men are intimidated by a successful woman who's a certified genius and self-proclaimed nerd."

"I don't find it intimidating at all. I think it's amazing. I've never met anyone… Anyone like me." Spencer blushed.

"It's hard meeting people like you when we're so few and far between. Graduating secondary school at 14 isn't the norm."

"I graduated at 12." Spencer laughed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was a pissing match. Besides, I graduated my first time around at uni a month after I graduated secondary school." She pointed at the building they were passing and they stopped.

"I didn't realize this was a pissing match." Spencer laughed, repeating the phrase.

"This is mine."

"Wow, you really are close to your work." Spencer paused. "I'd really like to see you again."

"I would, too. Anyone that can hang out with me for twelve hours must be something special." Kinsley laughed.

"You want me to walk you up?" Spencer asked, pointing at the front doors.

"Sure. I'm on the third floor." Kinsley replied, leading him up the front steps.

They walked in comfortable silence to the elevator and rode up to the third floor, never letting their hands separate. When they got out of the elevator, Spencer let Kinsley lead him down the hallway to her door.

"I had a great time today." Kinsley said, smiling at Spencer.

"Yeah. I did, too. Surprisingly…"

"Surprisingly? Really?" Kinsley raised an eyebrow.

"I- Uh- What I mean is… You know, I've never really…"

Kinsley smiled at Spencer stumbling over his words. "I understand. I haven't been on a date in a while… This was nice."

"When can I see you again?" Spencer asked, shoving his unused hand in his pocket.

"Is tomorrow too soon?" Kinsley asked, grinning.

"Tomorrow sounds perfect." Spencer smiled and fidgeted a bit. He wasn't used to this much close contact with a beautiful woman.

"Can I kiss you good night? Or is that too much for a first date?"

"Yeah… Yeah, I'd like that." Spencer smiled.

Kinsley smiled and stood up on her tiptoes. As she pressed her lips to Spencer's, she placed her free hand on his hip. When they broke apart, Spencer reached up and touched his lips. They both blushed and smiled shyly. "Thank you for a really good day… And night. I'll text you?"

"Okay. I'll see you later." Spencer began walking back down the hall while Kinsley dug her key out of her bag.

Kinsley looked up to see Spencer looking back at her from the elevator. He waved as the door opened and she waved back before stepping into her apartment.

When she walked in, she noticed Alice sitting on her couch with a glass of wine, searching through her Netflix account.

"Really? How did you even get in?" Kinsley asked, setting her bag down.

"You always say that you're going to move your key from under your mat, but you never do. Besides, I was bored and wanted to hear about your date. I've been here for hours waiting on you."

Kinsley just shook her head and grabbed a wine glass. Alice was one of her first friends when she moved to the states. She was petite, blonde, and a bit ditzy. She was from Georgia and sometimes when she spoke, her accent came through and you could really tell where she was from.

"Sooooooo… How was your dream date?" Alice asked as Kinsley sidled up next to her in the couch with her wine glass filled.

"It was… Amazing. He's smart and handsome… It was great." Kinsley grinned.

"Well, you already knew he was smart and already thought he was handsome. So, what's new?" Alice laughed.

"Because I actually got to have a conversation with him. A _real_ conversation, not just listening to him give a speech."

"You give hope to stalkers everywhere." Alice took a drink of her wine and almost spilled it when Kinsley swatted her in the arm.

"I'm not a stalker, Al. You've never had someone that you really admire and hope to meet someday?"

"Well, you know… I admire Brad Pitt's abs, but I'm never going to get to go on a date with them!" Alice laughed.

"Mine is a little more attainable than Brad Pitt!" Kinsley laughed along with her best friend.

"I'm glad you had a good time, Kins. You look happy." Alice rested her head on Kinsley's shoulder.

"I am happy." Kinsley leaned her head on Alice's. "But seriously, please stop breaking into my apartment."

"Aye, aye, Captain." Alice giggled. "Now, what do you want to watch?"

* * *

Kinsley's phone sounded as she received a text message and it woke her out of a wine-induced sleep. She untangled herself from Alice on the couch and reached out for her cell.

_**I have to cancel today. We're headed to Washington on a case. Sorry.**_

_Bummer. _Kinsley replied. _Rain check for when you make it back?_

_**Sounds like a plan.**_

_I can't wait. Go catch bad guys!_

Kinsley rubbed her eyes and tried to get up without waking Alice. They had finished off a bottle of wine and fell asleep on the couch in the middle of a movie. She looked at the time on her phone. 6:45 AM. On a Sunday. It was time to go back to sleep.

"Alice…" Kinsley whispered, shaking her friend. "I'm moving to my bedroom. You coming?"

Alice mumbled something incoherent.

"Suit yourself. Get a crick in your neck." Kinsley made her way to her bedroom and soon heard feet shuffling behind her. The pair crawled into bed and Alice groaned.

"Just leave me in there next time. It's too early."

"Go back to sleep, grumpy." Kinsley rolled over, with her back facing Alice, and tried to get comfortable.

Alice grumbled again and began snoring almost immediately.

X X X


	3. Chapter 3

**Running in Circles**

**Chapter Three**

Spencer looked at the time and began loading his things into his messenger bag.

"Another date tonight?" Penelope Garcia asked as she watched him pack his things quickly.

"Uh, yeah. In couple hours. I have to shower. She's making me dinner at her place tonight."

"Wow, third date already?" Derek asked, seeming to pop out of nowhere. He wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

"Stop it." Penelope smiled as she swatted Derek in the chest.

"Actually, it's our fourth."

"Damn, player. Thought you would have said something. Was it good?"

Spencer gave a confused look. "It was pretty good… I, uh, I told her about my mom."

Penelope and Derek looked shocked. "Did she take that okay?" Penelope asked, laying a hand on Spencer's arm.

"Better than okay." Spencer smiled.

* * *

_ "Sometimes, I worry that I'm going to end up just like her." Spencer confessed, looking at the floor. _

_ "I won't let that happen to you." Kinsley reached out and grabbed Spencer's hand. _

_ "It might not be up to you… Or me… If my brain is messed up, there's nothing anyone can do to fix it." Spencer tightened his grip on Kinsley's hand. _

_ Kinsley used her free hand to reach out and lift Spencer's chin up with her index finger. She laid her hand on his cheek, hoping he'd keep eye contact as she spoke. "Your brain is not messed up. Neither are you. You, Spence… You are… You're perfect just the way you are."_

_ Spencer leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kinsley's. Kinsley smiled into the kiss, as it was the first one that he had initiated. Spencer tangled his hand in her hair while their lips moved in unison. _

_ "I don't deserve you." Spencer said quietly when they broke apart. _

_ "You deserve someone that will lift you up and make you feel like you're on top of the world, someone that will take you at your highest and your lowest and not even bat an eye." Kinsley smiled. "I will try my hardest to be that person for you." _

_ "Is it cheesy to say that I'm really glad that you spilled coffee all over me that day?"_

* * *

Spencer smiled as he remembered the conversation.

"That's not what I meant, but I'm happy for you, man." Derek smiled.

"Then what did you mean?" Spencer asked, showing confusion again.

"Come on, man. Third date… You know…" He was trying to not be too obvious.

Spencer just shook his head. Penelope huffed and leaned up to whisper in his ear what Derek meant. "What? Oh. No. Were we supposed to?"

"If you say another word, so help me, I will hurt you." Penelope looked straight at Derek.

"Sorry, bro." Derek pretended to zip his lips.

Spencer exited the office and building as quickly as he could and hailed a cab to Kinsley's bookstore.

* * *

Spencer knocked on Kinsley's office door rather quickly.

"Come in!" Her voice chimed through the door. He opened it and began to walk in. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I hope so."

"Are you cancelling on me?" Kinsley stuck out her bottom lip in a pout.

"No! No… Just- Are you mad at me or anything?" Spencer shut the door.

"What? Why?"

"Um, just something Derek said about third dates and what couples do on third dates and well, we didn't and I didn't want you to be mad about that."

"I'm not mad at you. Quite the opposite, in fact. Why are you so worried?" Kinsley motioned for him to come closer and she got up and walked around to the front of her desk. She hopped up on the edge and reached out for Spencer to take her hands.

"It's- I'm still a- What I mean is, I've never-" He felt like a kid again, embarrassed and stumbling over his words.

"You've never had sex." Kinsley finished his sentence for him. Spencer nodded, blushing a bit. "Okay. I kind of assumed, anyways."

"That's it? Okay?" Spencer furrowed his brow.

"What did you expect me to say?" Kinsley smiled.

"I don't know. I mean, someone with your experience probably-"

"I don't have much more experience than you do, Spence." Kinsley shook her head. "I've been with one person and we were married. It was a long time ago. I don't care about sex. If we were together a year and didn't have sex, I wouldn't care as long as I was spending time with you."

"Are you sure?" Spencer could see in her eyes that she was holding something back.

"Go home and get ready for tonight. I'm almost done here and then I'll head to mine and start dinner. Be there at 7. Or 6, if you're really eager." She diverted her gaze a bit.

"Kinsley. What's the matter?"

"We'll talk tonight." She put on a smile. "I promise."

"Okay. I'll see you in a couple hours." Spencer turned and started walking to the door.

"Hey, mister." Kinsley smiled when Spencer turned around. She pointed to her lips. "Kiss?"

"Of course." Spencer walked back and pressed his lips to Kinsley's.

"I love it when you kiss me."

Spencer just grinned like an idiot as he walked out of the building.

* * *

"So, everyone at work really wants to meet you." Spencer said before taking one of the last bites of his dinner.

"Oh, yeah?" Kinsley replied, pausing to take a drink of wine.

"Yeah. They can't wait to meet the woman that I talk about all the time." Spencer shrugged.

"So, you talk about me a lot? What are we?" Kinsley asked, biting her lip. "Are we boyfriend-girlfriend? Or what?" She laughed. "This sounds like a silly conversation for thirty-year-olds to have."

"I-" Spencer paused. "I would-"

"Spencer Reid." Kinsley sat down her fork and took Spencer's hand. "Would you be my boyfriend?" She laughed.

"Of course." Spencer looked at their empty plates and stood up. "Are you finished?" Kinsley nodded and he picked up her plate and took both to the sink.

Kinsley picked up her wine glass and stood up. "Living room." She nodded her head and walked away.

Spencer followed shortly behind Kinsley and sat next to her on the couch. "That dinner was amazing. Where did you learn to cook like that?"

Kinsley smiled. "My Gran. She taught me everything she could." She smiled at the thought. "She raised me from birth, practically."

"Where were your parents?" Spencer asked, taking a drink of his wine.

"Jail." Kinsley shrugged. "Robbery, embezzlement, extortion, fraud, kidnapping… You name it, they probably did it. They're never getting out in this lifetime and possibly the next."

"Wow, that… That sucks. I'm sorry."

"I'm over it." Kinsley smiled and leaned in, kissing Spencer. She blindly reached over, not breaking the kiss, and sat her wine glass on the coffee table. He did the same and paused a little when Kinsley began to lean backwards and pulled him on top of her.

Their lips moved in unison and Kinsley tangled her fingers in his hair. Spencer reached down with shaky fingers and started trying to undo the button on Kinsley's jeans. Kinsley reached down to stop him and broke. "What are you doing?"

"I-I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment, I guess." Spencer sat up and ran his hands through his hair. He looked down at the floor and sighed.

"Spence, look at me. What I said earlier today about not caring about sex? I meant it. It's been a long time for me and I'm still working through that." Kinsley leaned up and kissed Spencer on the cheek. "I need to tell you something."

"Anything."

"Do you remember talking about you possibly going on my London trip later this year and going to Cardiff to the Doctor Who Experience?" Kinsley waited for Spencer to nod before continuing. "I really do go every year, but not just to visit my Gran. I have a son. He lives with her and I go visit them every year."

"A son. From your marriage?"

"Yes." Kinsley looked overrun with emotion.

"You don't have to keep going. You can tell me some other time."

"No, Spence. You told me about your mum, and you, and I could see that you weren't exactly comfortable with it. But you thought I should know. And I think you need to know about this." Kinsley took a deep breath. "When I was 18, I was going into university for the third time. You know how hard it is to make friends being the way we are. But there was a guy at my freshman orientation in his first year. He was nice, funny… Treated me like a human being. We became friends and started dating a few months later." She paused and felt a tear drop down her cheek as she blinked. "We got married shortly after my 22nd birthday and everything was really good for the first month and a half. We didn't have sex until we got married, so for the first month that's practically all we did." Kinsley paused to wipe her eyes. "About two months after we had gotten married, things changed. The first time I told him no, he got angry and… he forced me"

"He raped you." There was a look of concern on Spencer's face.

"Is it really rape if I didn't verbally say no?" Kinsley forced a laugh. "'_Good wives have sex with their husbands no matter what.' _At least, that's what he told me. And I believed him. I was naïve and I just wanted him to be happy. I didn't want to be a bad wife. Every day for the next two months, he forced me to have sex. And then, one day, he stopped. At least for a couple weeks."

Spencer placed a hand on Kinsley's thigh. "You don't have to finish this now."

Kinsley shook her head. "One night, I came home. I had classes all morning and then worked the rest of the day. I started my period in the middle of my work shift and I just wanted to go to bed. I walked in the bedroom and he had a video camera set up. Told me that I would want it if we recorded it because then we'd have something to look back on. I said no. He threw me down on the bed, tore off my clothes, and raped me. I had had enough and was fighting back and screaming for him to stop, so he beat me. When he was done, he got up, got dressed, kissed me and said I was a good girl, and left for work."

Spencer leaned forward and placed a kiss on Kinsley's forehead. "I'm sorry."

"I called the police. While I was talking to the detective inspector, another detective realized that the red recording light on the camera was on. I don't know if he meant to do it, but he recorded the whole thing. I got a divorce as quickly as I could. He plead not guilty, we went to trial, and he lost. I like to think that it was because of his own stupidity trying to include a video camera."

"When did you find out you were pregnant?"

"It was a quick trial, so close to the end. It freaked me out. I didn't think that I could love a baby that was a product of rape. But when he was born, all that went away. He was beautiful and perfect and I was so in love. But I had really terrible postpartum depression and by the time he was a year old, I was going crazy. I couldn't stand to be in the same country as my rapist. So, I signed over parental rights to my gran and I came over here." Kinsley's face began to brighten as she realized what she was about to say next. "I go and visit them every year, but this year is special. We have a trial in family court to make sure that I am well enough to bring him home with me."

Spencer just nodded. He didn't know what to say.

"I have to prove that I'm not depressed anymore, that I'm not suicidal, and that I have a stable job and home for him."

"How are you doing with all of that?" Spencer asked, taking Kinsley's hand.

"I'm on medication. The good kinds." She smiled. "If you're still around when I go, I would really like you to still go with me."

"What do you mean 'if'? You think I won't be?" Spencer furrowed his brow.

"I have a lot of baggage, Spence." Kinsley shrugged.

"So do I. I'm not going anywhere. Look, I'm not any good at relationships, but I'm going to try my hardest with this, and I need you to be right there with me. We can help each other."

Kinsley nodded and couldn't help but to smile. "Alright. I'm sorry. I really like you… a lot." She squeezed Spencer's hand and leaned over to kiss him quickly. "But, seriously, I haven't had sex in 8 years. The first couple of years were because I was too freaked out to try and be in another relationship and the last few are personal choice. I finished my last PhD, my Bachelors, and opened a business. I didn't have the time or the want to meet anybody. I don't want to do anything that neither of us is ready for." She stopped Spencer as he leaned in to kiss her. "I will snog the hell out of you, but that is it."

Spencer chuckled. "I'm okay with that."

"You can kiss me now." Kinsley chuckled.

Spencer reached out and cradled Kinsley's head in his hands before kissing her again and letting her pull him back on top of her.

X X X


	4. Chapter 4

**Running in Circles**

**Chapter Four**

* * *

**5 Months Earlier  
(a week after Kinsley's confession about her ex)**

"_What's your son's name?" Spencer asked._

_ "James Atticus. We call him Jamie." Kinsley smiled, leaning her head onto Spencer's shoulder. "The Atticus is from…"_

_ "To Kill a Mockingbird?" Spencer guessed. _

_ "It's one of my favorite books." Kinsley smiled. "It's a strong name. I want him to grow up strong."_

_ "He will. You're his mom." Spencer leaned his head onto Kinsley's. "I'd love to meet him one day. And your Gran. You think she'd like me?" _

_ "I like you, so she will. She's a great woman. I tell her about you every time we talk. She wants to meet you. And Jamie does, too."_

* * *

**Present Day – 6 months after they met **

Kinsley was sitting at a table in a bar talking to JJ, while Spencer was at another table with Derek and Hotch, when Penelope made her way over to her.

"Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm actually meeting you. I'm Penelope." She stuck her hand out with a smile.

"It's nice to meet you, too?" Kinsley took Penelope's hand and returned a smile.

"You do know you're, like, really famous in the hacker world, right?" Penelope took a seat and motioned over the waitress.

"I wouldn't say _really_ famous, maybe moderately- Wait, how do you know about that?"

JJ just looked between the two, confused.

"I looked you up." Penelope confessed. "I needed to make sure Boy Genius is safe. And when I found your record, I realized why your name sounded so familiar. You. Are. A. Legend."

"Hey, I was found not guilty and that record was sealed." Kinsley defended herself.

Penelope wagged her fingers. "Not from me." She winked.

"Touché." Kinsley laughed. She peeked over at Spencer, who didn't seem to be paying attention. "Look, Spence doesn't know about all of that. I'd appreciate it if it was kept quiet."

"Why would you hide it if you were innocent?" JJ asked.

"Never said I was innocent. Being found not guilty doesn't automatically qualify innocence. I- I was new in the country, wanted to make friends, and the people I met took advantage of me and my skills. And then they fucked me over when I turned them in." Kinsley sighed and took a drink of her beer. "I'll tell him at some point. But he's already dealing with other bad things in my past and I don't want to throw it all at him at once."

"Oh, your husband?" Penelope asked, and from the look on her face, immediately regretted. "I'm sorry."

"He told you about that?" Kinsley didn't know what to think.

"It might have come up when I did your background check." Penelope said dismissively.

"How much do you know about me?" Kinsley asked.

"Everything." Penelope laid a hand on Kinsley's arm. "I'm sorry. I just want to make sure he's safe. Someone comes along that seems a little too perfect for him… It's- I mean, we're trained to be a little suspicious."

"I understand. I do. It's alright." Kinsley smiled.

Spencer came up behind Kinsley, leaned over her shoulder, and kissed her on the cheek. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah." Kinsley smiled and turned to JJ and Penelope. "It was really nice to meet you all finally."

They pair bade their goodbyes and walked out to Kinsley's car. Spencer opened the driver side door for her and walked to the other side.

As they drove off, Kinsley laughed. "I had a great time tonight. Thank you."

"They've wanted to meet you. Sorry it took so long." Spencer smiled as Kinsley reached over to take Kinsley's hand.

"I hope they liked me." Kinsley confessed.

"They do." Spencer smiled.

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Kinsley cleared his throat. "So, I was thinking… Maybe you should stay at my place tonight."

"What?" Spencer let go of Kinsley's hand and stared at her.

"I don't mean it like that. But look… It's been 6 months and you can't touch anything but my face, hair, or hands without almost having a panic attack. I just think that if… maybe if we just slept in the same bed… it would help. I mean, when you're sleeping, you could possibly touch me anywhere that you haven't already and you wouldn't know… and it wouldn't freak you out."

"But what if I have trouble going to sleep because I'm afraid I will touch you?" Spencer said, defensively.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Bad idea." Kinsley shrugged. "I'll just take you home."

Spencer hesitated. "Stop at your place first. Get an overnight bag together."

"Really?" Kinsley smiled. "You more comfortable at your place?"

"Yeah, this time." Spencer took Kinsley's hand again. "If that's okay."

"That's perfectly fine. I can sleep wherever." Kinsley smiled. "If you aren't busy tomorrow, I'm supposed to have a Skype session with Gran and Jamie in the afternoon."

"That sounds great."

* * *

"So, you know that Penelope ran a background check on me?" Kinsley asked, walking out of Spencer's bathroom wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts underwear.

"Yeah, I figured as muuuhh-" Spencer's sentence trailed off as he looked up at his girlfriend. He cleared his throat to cover his embarrassment. "Uh, is that what you're wearing to sleep in?"

"Yeah. Is that okay? Or is it too much?" Kinsley laughed.

"It's not enough." Spencer blushed and shook his head. Kinsley laughed at his response.

"Oh, gosh." Kinsley climbed into bed next to Spencer. "I promise you won't even notice. I just get too hot if I'm wearing pajama bottoms. Anyways, back to what I was saying… A background check was run on me. Does she do that to every new person any one of you meet?"

"I wouldn't doubt it. Penelope likes us to be safe. We're all family at the BAU and no one wants to see their family hurt. Anything, uh, come up that I should know about?"

Kinsley almost said something, but stopped herself. No need to worry him right now. Not that it was anything to worry about. She only spent a night in jail before her arraignment. She had been released on her own recognizance, meaning she hadn't had to wait for her Gran to post bail. She had been found innocent. Innocent, even though she wasn't. So, she went with the simplest answer. "No. Nothing that's important as of right now."

Spencer looked at Kinsley, trying to figure out if she was lying. He decided to take her word for it and figured that if there was something she needed to tell him, she would in her own time. He had learned that she wasn't exactly the easiest person to get to open up. "Okay." He smiled as she curled up next to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Goodnight, love." Kinsley sighed as she snuggled her head into Spencer's chest.

"Goodnight."

* * *

**6 Months Later**

Kinsley and Spencer were walking down the hall to Kinsley's apartment when Spencer stopped mid-stride. "I forgot my bag. I'll be right back." He pecked her on the cheek and walked back towards the elevator.

Kinsley walked a few more steps and pulled her key out of her bag. She turned and looked just in time to see Spencer step into the elevator as she slipped her key into the lock and turned it. As she opened her door, she gasped as she took in the scene in her apartment.

It had been completely torn apart. Her couch was over turned and her flat-screen TV was smashed in; vases were knocked over and the paintings on the walls were slashed. Her eyes flashed to her bookcase, which seemed to be the only thing in the room that was untouched. As she backed out into the hallway, eyes still wide, she noticed a single white calla lily on her kitchen counter and her knees almost gave out. She walked out into the hallway as fast as she could and waited for Spencer to make his way back up.

Kinsley's breath hitched in her throat as the elevator door opened, but breathed a sigh of relief when Spencer stepped out. He couldn't read the expression on her face, so he jogged up to her with a look of worry. She pointed into the open door and he stepped inside. She was close behind him, clinging to his arm.

"It's him… It's him…" Kinsley kept repeating.

"Who?" Spencer asked, wrapping his arm around his trembling girlfriend.

"Daniel. He did this." Kinsley buried her face in Spencer's shoulder.

"Your ex-husband? How-"

"How do I know? The flower on the counter. And he didn't touch my books. He knows how much my books mean to me." A tear slipped down her cheek. "He's supposed to be in jail." She whispered.

"Just be calm. You call 911, I'll call Hotch. Okay?" Spencer rubbed up and down Kinsley's arm. She nodded and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

X X X


	5. Chapter 5

**Running in Circles**

**Chapter Five**

Kinsley rubbed her eyes as she began explaining everything to a second police officer. "We were coming in from a date. I unlocked my door and saw everything. I realized that my ex-husband had done it and I walked back out in the hallway to call you. I don't know why I had to explain this again."

The female detective smiled. "You're going to have to tell this quite a few more times."

"I know." Kinsley sighed.

"Now, how do you know it was your ex-husband? Did he leave a note or anything?"

"The white calla lily on the counter. That was our 'thing'. He knew they were my favorite, so he would go out and buy the silk ones in all different colors. Each color meant something." Kinsley glanded over at Spencer, who was talking quietly with Hotch in the corner of the room. He didn't look like he was listening, but she knew better. "Yellow meant 'I'm sorry', red was 'I love you', blue was 'let's go to dinner'. Things like that."

"What was the meaning of white ones?" The detective asked, writing everything down.

"I don't know. He never gave me white." Kinsley glanced out in the hallway to see her neighbor from across the hall looking in, worried. "Can you give me a moment?" The detective nodded and Kinsley walked over. "Mrs. Fisher." Kinsley smiled.

Mrs. Fisher was an older woman, in her mid-60s, who lived across the hall from Kinsley, with her 4 cats. She knew that Kinsley was in the country alone and liked to keep an eye on her.

"Are you alright, dear? What happened?"

"I got broken into. Did you see anything weird this evening?"

Mrs. Fisher thought for a moment. "Well, actually, there was a man knocking on your door when I was leaving for dinner."

"Can you describe him?"

"Tall, about 6 foot. Sandy brown hair, looks like he works out. He had an accent like yours. I was coming out and he asked if I knew you and if I knew when you'd be home. I told him that I thought you were on a date, but would be home soon. He said he was a friend and asked if I knew whether or not you still kept your key under the welcome mat. I told him that I didn't know, but that I always told you that a welcome mat inside an apartment building was silly."

"That was my ex-husband." Kinsley sighed.

"The abusive one?" Mrs. Fisher covered her mouth when Kinsley nodded. "Oh, dear. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"I'm not upset with you. He would have come in anyways. You interrupted him, so he was probably making small talk to not seem so suspicious." Kinsley placed her hand on Mrs. Fisher's arm. "Can you talk to the detectives? They'll want to hear what you have to say."

* * *

Kinsley walked into Spencer's apartment after a long night at the precinct. The detectives had offered her a hotel room until her apartment was cleared as a crime scene, but Spencer had insisted that she stay at his place for the night and make a decision after she had a good night's sleep.

"I'm gonna go take a shower, if that's okay." She yawned, putting her bag on the couch.

"Can we talk first?" Spencer crossed his arms and looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry about all of this." Kinsley held out her hand to Spencer and pulled him into a hug when he accepted.

"I don't want you going back to your apartment when they clear it." Spencer said as he pulled away.

"What do you mean? What am I supposed to do? They're only giving me a hotel room until they're done."

"I-I don't know. Stay here with me. Just break your lease and stay with me." Spencer shuffled his feet and crossed his arms again.

"Are you asking me to move in with you? For good?" Kinsley shook her head. "I can't- I can't do that."

"Why not?" Spencer furrowed his brow.

"I can't just leave my place. I-I just paid the rent and my utilities and-and I just bought groceries. I can't leave!" Kinsley began to pace. "I just can't."

"We already stay with each other a couple times a week when I'm home. How would this be any different?"

"Falling asleep watching Doctor Who or something is completely different than living together, Spence." Kinsley ran her hands through her hair.

"Look, I can help you keep your rent up and your utilities. You can bring your groceries here. You already have a space for food in the fridge." Spencer took a step towards Kinsley but she backed away. "You already have a drawer in the bathroom for your toothbrush and I bought you stuff to take showers. You have space in the closet and a drawer in the dresser, all so you don't have to bring a bag with you. I bought you a laundry hamper. Didn't you notice that?"

"Yeah, I noticed. I also notice when you put my clothes in there. And I noticed you doing my laundry a couple weeks ago." Kinsley scratched above her eyebrow, looking for another excuse. "You aren't ready to move in with someone."

"Your hamper was full." Spencer shrugged. "Why are you scared?"

"Do not try and profile me, Spence. Not now."

"I have accommodated a lot in my life to include you in it. Do you realize that?"

Kinsley forced a laugh. "Wow. That's a nice way to put it. 'Accommodate'. Thanks, Spence."

"Kins, come on. You have to realize that." Spencer reached out and pulled Kinsley to him.

"I do. I'm sorry." She replied as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I would just feel safe with you here. What if he decided to go back and you're there alone? You don't know what he'd do."

"Where would I stay when you're gone?"

Spencer smiled a bit. "With Garcia. I've already talked to her about it."

"Of course you have." Kinsley laughed. She sighed as she considered her next words carefully. "I'll do it. On one condition: we keep my apartment for now. And when this is all over, I'll make a decision. Living with each other is a big deal and if we can't handle it right now, it's okay."

"Why couldn't we?" Spencer tightened his grip on Kinsley.

"Living together isn't like spending the night together. We've only been together a year. Some people aren't ready for this level of commitment, even after a year." Kinsley pulled back a little and smiled at Spencer. "But I have more faith in this relationship than I've ever had in anything. I didn't think I'd make it this far."

Spencer chuckled. "An atheist with faith in something. That's new."

"I have faith in _us_. There's a difference." Kinsley grinned. "Can we go to bed now? I'm exhausted."

* * *

Kinsley walked out of the bathroom in nothing but her bra and panties. Spencer turned his head but couldn't help to sneak a couple of peeks out of the corner of his eye. "Do you have a shirt I could wear to sleep in?"

"Top dresser drawer." Spencer kept his head turned but pointed to the dresser. "But you already knew that."

Kinsley giggled. "I wanted to see if you'd look. I'm a bit disappointed, I have to say."

Spencer smiled and rolled his eyes. "Sorry. I'm not used to being able to look, I guess."

"Well, you can look now. All of my scary lady parts are covered up."

Spencer turned his head to look at Kinsley just in time to see her bra drop to the ground. He could see the outline of her nipples through the shirt she had put on and blushed a little, but managed a little smile as she crawled in bed next to him.

"Look at us. Crawling in bed on our first night living together." Kinsley chuckled. "How normal. Almost boring, actually." She laid her head down and Spencer wrapped his arm around her waist.

"I like it. Normal is good once in a while." Spencer said sleepily. Kinsley laughed because he was already dozing off.

"I know you're falling asleep, but I was just wondering something." Kinsley cuddled in closer to Spencer.

"What's that?" Spencer replied, closing his eyes.

"What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? I mean, after all of this, everything you know now, why would you stay?"

"I get you. You're the one thing I've been searching for. You're my…" Spencer paused to yawn. "You're my dream."

Kinsley turned to look at Spencer, but his eyes were shut and he let out a small snore. She placed her hand on his cheek and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You're my dream, too, Spencer Reid." She whispered before turning over and pressing herself into Spencer as closely as she could.

X X X

**A/N: Please don't forget to review and let me know how you're liking it! Thanks! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Running in Circles**

**Chapter Six**

**-6 Weeks Later-**

"Please, don't go." Kinsley said, shakily, clinging to Spencer. "I just have a really bad feeling about this one."

"I have to go. It's my job." He tightened his arms around her. "I'll be okay and I'll come home. I always do, don't I?"

"Spencer…" Kinsley whispered.

"I'll be okay. I'll call you when we land." Spencer leaned down and pressed a kiss to Kinsley's lips. She tangled her fingers in his hair and held him close as long as she could. He broke away too soon for her liking. "I have to go. I l- I'll see you soon." He kissed Kinsley one more time and walked out the door.

(page break)

**-1 Week Later-**

Kinsley woke up to her phone ringing incessantly. She looked at her clock before grabbing her phone. 2:43 AM.

4 missed calls from Penelope.

3 missed texts, also from Penelope.

-_ANSWER YOUR PHONE._

_-911! You need to get up here. _

_-Get to the BAU. NOW! _

"Spencer." Kinsley breathed out as she bolted out of bed and ran to find clothes.

45 minutes later she was throwing the door to Penelope's office open. "What's going on?" The look on Penelope's face said more than it should. "Pen? What is it?"

"It's bad." Penelope said as she turned around. She stood up to hug Kinsley. "It's really bad. Before I tell you, please sit down." Penelope let Kinsley go and waited for her to sit. "They followed the unsub into a warehouse, well he wasn't unknown by then but whatever, they followed him into a warehouse and didn't realize that he had a bomb strapped to him. Everyone made it out except Spencer and Derek… They're still unaccounted for."

"Unaccounted for?" Kinsley's breath caught in her throat and she swore her heart stopped beating.

"Hotch said he'd call with news as soon as he could. But he didn't sound hopeful." Penelope looked at Kinsley with sad eyes. "Do you want a coffee? I'll go get you one."

Penelope was gone all of five minutes, but it felt like eternity. Kinsley didn't even realize when she was handed her cup of coffee. The pair sat in silence waiting for a phone call, slightly hopeful that it would be good news, but dreading the bad. So, they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

She silently prayed to a god she didn't believe in.

And waited some more.

They waited for hours. And then, finally, 4 hours later, the phone rang.

"Hotch?" Penelope said, tentatively, as she answered the phone.

"Is Kinsley with you?" Hotch asked over the speaker.

"I'm here." Kinsley replied in barely a whisper.

"We got them out. They're at the hospital being treated right now. Morgan's okay, just some smoke inhalation and burns on his hands. Reid is- He's not in good shape. He has severe smoke inhalation. A support beam fell on his left leg causing a fracture in his fibula and 2nd degree burns. He's asking for you."

"Tell him I'll be there. I'll be there as soon as I can." Kinsley stifled a sob. "I'll be on the first flight out."

"I'll let him know."

Kinsley gave Penelope a quick hug and ran home to pack a small bag.

* * *

Kinsley ran down the hallway that the nurse had pointed her down and almost ran into Derek in the process.

"Woah, slow down, baby girl. He's still breathing." He said as he caught her by the arm. He noticed that Kinsley looked like she was about to fall, so he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. "He's alright." Derek let go and held up his bandaged hands. "I made sure he was."

"You got it off of him?" Kinlsey hugged Derek again when he nodded. "Thank you." She whispered.

"It's no problem, baby."

"Where is he?"

"Come on. I'll take you." Derek took her by the arm and led her to Spencer's room. "He's refusing pain medication. And they don't know how long he'll have to stay before he can go home."

"That's good, right? That he's refusing pain meds?" Kinsley asked, ignoring the last sentence.

"For him? Yeah, it's probably best." Derek brought her to a closed door. "This is it. I'll leave you two alone."

"Derek. Thank you."

"Like I said, it's no problem." Derek smiled as he walked off.

Kinsley slowly opened the door and walked in. "Spence?" She whispered. "Are you awake?"

Spencer opened his eyes a little and smiled. "I told Hotch to tell you not to come. I just wanted you to know I was okay."

"I guess he forgot to relay that message." Kinsley sat down in the chair next to the bed and grabbed Spencer's hand. "I would have come, no matter what you said. How are you?"

"Better now that you're here." Spencer squeezed Kinsley's hand. "My leg is killing me. They've been trying to push pain meds but I just- I can't."

"What about ibuprofen? Did you try that?"

"Yeah, I did. It helped a little. You being here has helped more that it has." Spencer scooted over as much as he could towards the left side of his bed and patted the empty space.

"You read my mind." Kinsley climbed up on the bed and cuddled up next to Spencer. "They don't know how long you have to be here."

"I know." Spencer kissed the top of Kinsley's head. "It's okay."

"Can I kiss you? I don't want to mess up the oxygen tube or whatever."

"You can kiss me. It'll be fine." Spencer chuckled and leaned down a bit so Kinsley could kiss him.

"I told you not to come." Kinsley sighed as she broke the kiss and laid her head on Spencer's chest. "I told you and look where you wound up."

"Kins, it's my job. I had to come."

"I know. I'm guilt-tripping you. It's what girlfriends do." Kinsley laughed a little. "I just don't want you to be hurting."

"I already told you; just you being here has made it so much better." Spencer leaned his head against Kinsley's. "I don't know how and I don't know why, but it has."

"Go to sleep, darling." Kinsley yawned. "It's been a rough day."

* * *

Kinsley was awoken a few hours later by a nurse opening the door. She rubbed her eyes and quickly got out of the bed. "I'm sorry. I honestly don't remember falling asleep."

"It's alright. I won't tell anyone." The nurse smiled. "I'm Chelsea. You must be the girlfriend?"

"Yes. Kinsley. It's nice to meet you." She managed a small, sleepy smile.

"He was right. You are beautiful." Chelsea began looking through Spencer's charts.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"He had to be sedated on the way here and when he was coming out of it, all he could talk about was how beautiful his girlfriend was. He was right. How is he doing?"

Kinsley looked back at Spencer's sleeping form and smiled. "I think he's putting on a brave face for me, but he seems alright."

"The smoke inhalation wasn't as bad as we originally thought. And his leg isn't either. They want to do a maggot treatment on the burn starting in the morning, which will take a couple days, but if we only have to do one of those, he could be going home by sometime next week. He'll be fitted for a walking cast, so he can have access to the bandages on his leg, but I think he'll be alright." Chelsea pulled out her pen and smiled. "So, you said you were his wife, right?"

"Uh, no. His girlfriend." Kinsley gave the nurse a confused look.

"Wives get special privileges. We tend to look the other way when a wife is in the bed." Chelsea winked. "So, wife, right? As long as there's no funny business, of course."

Kinsley grinned. "Of course. It's a fairly new marriage, you know. That's probably why he was still calling me his girlfriend."

"I'll make a note of it, then. Goodnight. I'll be back in a while, but have him page me if he needs anything."

Spencer stirred a bit when Kinsley crawled back in next to him. "What was that about?"

"Shift change." Kinsley smiled. "They might possibly think I'm your wife now. Just so you know."

"What'd she say?"

"They want to do a maggot treatment on your burn in the morning." Kinsley chuckled as Spencer grimaced. "I've heard it tickles. Anyways, if they only have to do one, which takes a couple days, then you'll be fitted for a walking cast and will be able to go home in a few days."

"Why not a regular cast?"

"So we have access to your bandages." Kinsley kissed Spencer and smiled at him. "Go back to sleep. That's where I'm headed.

* * *

**-1 Week Later-**

Kinsley walked back into Spencer's room to see him hobbling around in his walking cast, packing their bags. "Who was that?" he asked.

Kinsley looked at her phone in her hand. "Well, good news; they caught Daniel. The bad part of that is that he only wants to talk to me. No one else."

"Are you going to talk to him?" Spencer asked, zipping up his bag.

"I guess it's a good thing that you're being discharged. I don't have a choice, Spence. They can only hold him for 24 hours without charging him."

"Did Hotch get the jet for us?"

"Somehow." Kinsley smiled. "So, you can lay down while we're flying. I'll take you home when we land and I'll go to the police station."

"I'm going with you."

"Spence, you don't have to. I'll be okay."

"No. I'm going with you. I'm not going to have you there with him without me." Spencer handed Kinsley her bag. "How'd they catch him?"

"They caught him trying to go back to my place." Kinsley said sheepishly.

"See? I told you he'd try again."

"Shut up. Anyways, he ran, they pursued, they shot him in the shoulder, they took him into custody."

"Let's go, so we can get this over with and get on with our lives." Spencer grabbed his bag forcefully and began walking to the door.

"Hey. Slow down. What's the matter?"

"I don't know. I just think about everything he's put you through and it- It pisses me off." Spencer sat his bag down and stepped towards Kinsley. He put his hands on her hips and furrowed his brow. "I don't understand how someone could do all of this to you. How can he not see how special you are?"

Kinsley reached up and tangled her fingers in Spencer's hair. "Because he's not you. It's like you have this ability to see what everyone else seems to miss."

Spencer leaned down and pressed his lips to Kinsley's. He pulled her close to him and she grinned into the kiss. "We have to go. You seem to forget that we'll have a whole jet to ourselves."

* * *

Kinsley gave Spencer a peck on the lips and held her head high before walking into the interrogation.

Daniel lifted his head from the table at the sound of the door clicking shut. "Kinny. It's so good to see you."

"Hello, Daniel." Kinsley sat down and rubbed her eyes. "You're a fucking idiot, did you know that?"

"We haven't seen each other in eight years and that's how you fucking greet me? You haven't changed one bit." Daniel scoffed.

"You ran from American police! Why would you do that? They're _allowed _to fucking shoot you!" She eyeballed the bandages and sling on his right arm. "Obviously."

"I had to see you, Kinny. I missed you. And I wanted to see James."

"We don't call him James."

"What? You call him something stupid like Jamie, don't you?"

"Actually, yes, we do." Kinsley swallowed thickly.

"Figures. What, do you want him to be a fairy or something?" Daniel looked pissed.

"Whatever he chooses to be, I'll love him. No matter what. Besides, he isn't with me." Kinsley crossed her arms and leaned back in the chair, trying to relax a bit.

"Where is he?" Daniel asked. "Where the fuck is my son? Is he with your fucking gran? I should have known." He didn't give Kinsley a chance to answer. "Leave it to you to abandon him and leave the fucking country. Couldn't handle it, could you?"

"Fuck. You. You have no idea what I've been through, Daniel!"

"Fucking enlighten me, then."

"Tell me why you broke into my apartment, first." Kinsley was shaking with anger.

"Oh, my god. They've Americanized you. 'Apartment'? Really? I broke into your _flat_ because I wanted to see you. And _Jamie_." He shuddered at the use of the nickname. "But you weren't there. And there were pictures of you and some guy and it pissed me off, so I trashed the place. What does he give you that I couldn't?"

"What does he give me? Let's try what he _doesn't_ give me that you did! Do you realize how much you've fucked up my life? I left my son, my Gran, my home, and my fucking country because I couldn't stand being within a thousand kilometers of you! You ruined my life. I was so depressed that I couldn't take care of my son! I tried to kill myself with him in the other room crying for me! And I didn't even care! I ran away from _you_!" Tears were forming in Kinsley's eyes and she was willing them not to fall. "And now you show up just when everything is going well. I'm supposed to be getting Jamie back. I've found a good man. But you just can't leave me alone!"

"He's got nothing on me!" Daniel growled. "I bet you haven't even fucked him yet. And you know why? Because you know you'd just think about me instead of him. Besides, he'll never understand you like I do."

"He is so much more than you will ever be. He puts men like you in jail. And he understands me more than you ever fucking will, because _he's like me_. He's intelligent. He makes me laugh. He holds me when I'm upset. He is everything that I thought I had found with you, before you went psycho, _and I am in love with him_. I love him more than I could have ever imagined loving you." Kinsley stood up and slammed the chair back under the table. "I hope you have enough to charge him because I'm done."

Kinsley walked out into the hallway and came face to face with Spencer. She couldn't find the words to describe the look of sadness for her on his face. "Let's go home now, please." She whispered.

The female detective from her apartment smiled at her. "Thank you. I know that was hard. I'll call you if we need anything else."

Kinsley nodded and began to walk away. Spencer grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers.

X X X

**A/N: Please please review! :) TIA**


	7. Chapter 7

**Running in Circles**

**Chapter Seven**

**A/N: Mentions of attempted suicides right at the beginning. Tread lightly. If it's something you don't feel comfortable reading, skip to the first page break. **

Spencer parked Kinsley's car in the parking garage of his building but didn't turn it off. He turned to look at her, but was unable to find the words he was looking for.

"What're you thinking about?" Kinsley finally asked, afraid of the silence that was enveloping the car.

"Did you mean what you said? About trying to kill yourself?" Spencer managed to get the words out.

Kinsley forced a laugh. "I didn't want you to hear that." She closed her eyes for a second. "I tried twice. First, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression after Jamie was born. When he was about 6 months old, it got really bad. I stopped nursing him, touching him, changing him. If he cried, I left the room. It was three days before Gran realized that he wasn't being fed. I was practically catatonic. I took a bunch of pills and that was that." She rubbed her eyes. "I was in the hospital for a bit, got put on meds and I was okay for a bit. Gran had me under a microscope. I was okay for a bit, but it started getting bad again. Gran would set a timer if I said I was going to take a shower and she'd check on me when the timer went off." She reached over and took Spencer's hand. "The second time… I thought I could outsmart her. I thought that if I slit my wrists, I would bleed out before the timer went off. But I didn't do it right. So, when I got out of the hospital, Gran suggested that she keep Jamie and I come here. I had gotten accepted to university here and she thought that it would help."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Spencer squeezed Kinsley's hand.

"I didn't want you to look at me differently. It was one thing to have you know that I had been suicidal. It's another thing entirely to have you know that I tried… and failed."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how people look at you when they realize that you're different? I had finally gotten used to that. But it's another look entirely when they know you've tried to kill yourself. It's more than just pity… It's something I can't explain."

"I would never-" Spencer began, but Kinsley interrupted him.

"That look that you had when I walked out of the interrogation room? That was it."

"I'm sorry." Spencer leaned over and kissed Kinsley. "I am so sorry."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but she didn't push it.

"Let's go up and get to bed." Kinsley forced a small smile.

Spencer nodded and turned the car off.

* * *

Kinsley sat their bags on Spencer's couch and sighed. He still looked like he wanted to say something else as she turned to look at him. "Now what are you thinking about?"

"Did you mean the other thing you said in there?"

"About being in love with you." Kinsley smiled. "I didn't really want you to hear that from behind a two-way mirror either. But yeah, I did. I do." She nodded her head towards Spencer's bedroom and took his hand. "I've been feeling something the past few months, the past few weeks even, and it didn't make sense to me. But after all of this… I thought you were dead; that I had lost you. And then, I thought that you were going to die… And after seeing Daniel, something clicked into place. Everything started to make sense." They made it to the bedroom and Kinsley shut the door behind her. "I'm not expecting it back right now. It's okay." She looked a little sad as she said it.

"Hey." Spencer cupped Kinsley's face in his hands. "No. I- I do. I- I love you. I love you."

Kinsley smiled a real smile for the first time in days. "I had hoped." She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed Spencer. "I love you." She whispered, before kissing him again. She took a chance and reached down to unbutton his sweater. She had reached the last button before Spencer broke the kiss.

"What are you doing?" He whispered.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just- I just want you. All of you."

A small look of realization came over Spencer's face. "Is this because of what Daniel said about you and I not-?" He dropped his hands to her hips.

"No. Maybe…" Kinsley was unsure of herself at first, but he saw a look of confidence cross over her. "No. No, it's not. All of this craziness… I just… We don't have to. I'll stop."

Spencer seemed to stand a little taller as he pulled his sweater off and responded. "No. Don't stop." He kissed her again, hands planted firmly on her hips. Their lips moved in unison and Kinsley's tongue asked for entrance between them. Kinsley let a small grin slip into the kiss as she felt Spencer's sudden wave of confidence waver slightly. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on hers. "Now what do I do? Tell me what to do to make this perfect for you." He said in a whisper.

Kinsley let out a breathy laugh and reached up, tangling her fingers in Spencer's hair. "Keep your hands where they are until you're comfortable enough to put them somewhere else." She pulled all of her hair over her right shoulder and pointed to the left side of her neck. "Kiss me here." Spencer did as he was told. "Again." She said as she untucked his shirt. He obeyed. "Again." Spencer did it once more, realizing what she was trying to get him to do.

Spencer reached on hand up to support Kinsley's head as he began kissing her neck almost expertly. Kinsley began unbuttoning his shirt. She slid the shirt down his arms and Spencer lifted his head to capture Kinsley's lips again. She unfastened her bra and pulled it out from under her shirt and threw it to the side.

Kinsley broke the kiss. "Take my shirt off."

Spencer obeyed and as Kinsley's shirt fell to the floor, he took a good look at her. Kinsley slid out from between Spencer and the wall and grabbed his hand, leading him to the bed. She sat on the edge and pulled Spencer on top of her as she leaned back and ran her fingers through his hair.

Spencer looked down as his hand travelled to the button of her shorts. He looked up as he tried to undo the button and noticed a look of sheer terror crossing Kinsley's face. He stopped what he was doing. "Kins?" He reached his hand up and touched her cheek. That seemed to snap her out of it and he gave her a concerned look.

"It's you." She breathed out, looking relieved. "Oh, god, it's you." A small grin appeared on her face.

"Yes. It's me. Are you alright?"

"Just… spaced out for a moment. I'm sorry." Kinsley tried smiling again to reassure Spencer that she was okay.

"We don't have to-" Spencer began.

"Don't back out on me now. I'm fine." Kinsley smiled. "Kiss me? Please?"

Spencer leaned down and captured Kinsley's lips again. The second he made contact with the soft skin, his worried melted away, and hers seemed to, as well.

* * *

The pair lay together afterwards, on their backs, barely touching. Kinsley reached over to grab Spencer's hand and he took it, barely. He sighed, discontentedly, and Kinsley suppressed a small giggle.

"No one is going to be great their first time." She glanced over at Spencer, who practically glared back at her.

"That's not very encouraging."

"My first time, I just laid there like a dead fish. I had no idea what to do."

"I didn't really have that option, now did I?" Spencer sounded upset.

"Darling…" Kinsley smiled and leaned her head onto his shoulder. "How about we… give you about 20 minutes to recharge and go again?"

"We can do that?" Spencer looked at her, seemingly shocked at the statement.

Kinsley laughed at just how oblivious he seemed at times. "Yes… People usually have sex more than once… Not as a general rule… But kind of a guideline."

"I know that. I just meant… more than once in the same night."

"Yes. It's quite possible." Kinsley laughed. "I promise."

Spencer lifted the blankets and looked underneath them. He glanced over at Kinsley and quietly said "I don't really need to wait any more."

Kinsley laughed and peeked under the blanket as well. "Good." She quickly sat up and moved to straddle Spencer. She leaned down to kiss him and whispered "I love you." as their lips connected again.

* * *

When Spencer's alarm went off the next morning, Kinsley groaned and pulled the blankets over her head.

"You have to get up, too." Spencer said, stifling a yawn as he turned off the alarm.

"Not today. It's Wednesday. I have-"

"Therapy. Meaning you don't go into work today." Spencer finished. "Sorry. I forgot." He slid out of bed and found his underwear on the floor. He pulled them on and walked to the closet to find clothes.

"You always do." Kinsley smiled, sitting up and pulling the blanket around her bare chest. She noticed a weird look on Spencer's face and began to worry. "Are you okay, my love?"

"I-" He sighed. "I'm sorry if last night didn't, you know, live up to your expectations or anything. I just wanted it to be perfect for you."

Kinsley sighed and stood up, grabbing one of Spencer's t-shirts off of the floor and pulling it on. "I love you, I do. But it's like you forget everything that I've been through." She took his hand and pulled him close. "Which I'm thankful for sometimes, believe me. Listen to me. I've only trusted on other person enough to be with them like that. And he used sex as a weapon to get what he wanted. A weapon that almost cost me my life. I only have a handful of good experiences to compare to, so as long as it isn't forced, it's good. As for being perfect? It was." Spencer had begun to look at the floor, so Kinsley took her finger under his chin and lifted his head until he was making eye contact again. "It was perfect because it was with you. It was perfect because you trusted me last night. And because I trust you every day of my life. 3 minutes, 5 minutes, an hour… It doesn't matter as long as I'm with you."

"You mean that?" Spencer wrapped his arms around his girlfriend.

"I really do." Kinsley smiled. "And besides, the second time was better than the first. And the third was better than that. So, really, it's all uphill from here." She winked.

Spencer couldn't help but smile. He leaned down and kissed Kinsley softly. "I love you." He whispered.

Kinsley crinkled her nose as she smiled. "I love you, too." She let Spencer go and swatted him lightly on the ass. "Get ready for work. I'm going back to bed."

Spencer finished getting dressed as Kinsley got comfortable under his blankets. When he was done getting ready, he walked back over to his bed. "I'm leaving."

Kinsley uncovered her head and smiled. "Text me what you want to eat later and I'll bring you lunch after my appointment."

"Sounds good." Spencer leaned down to kiss Kinsley and she pulled him down on top of her. "I'm going to be late."

"Live a little." Kinsley laughed, kissing him.

X X X


	8. Chapter 8

**Running in Circles**

**Chapter Eight**

Kinsley made herself comfortable in the chair in her therapist's office while Dr. Ryland got everything ready.

"So, Kinsley, how are you?" Dr. Ryland asked, pulling out her notepad. "You cancelled your appointment last week."

"I've been alright. Spencer had a, uh, work-related accident last week out of state, so I flew out to be with him while he was in the hospital."

"Oh, dear. Is he alright?"

"Yes, he's fine. He's in a walking cast and has a nasty burn on his leg, but his spirits are high." Kinsley smiled at the thought of Spencer.

"And everything is going alright with the two of you?"

"Yeah, it's going really well. They, uh, they caught my ex-husband. We were on our way to the airport to come home when they let me know." Kinsley scratched behind her ear at the awkwardness of where the conversation was heading. "I was the only one he would talk to, so we went to the police station as soon as our plane landed." Kinsley paused and Dr. Ryland motioned for her to continue. "I, uh, talked to him. Well, more like blew up at him. He was being his usual self; condescending, rude… And I just… exploded. I shouldn't have. But I told him about how I tried to kill myself, forgetting that Spencer was behind the glass outside the interrogation room."

"And you hadn't told him about that yet." Dr. Ryland scribbled a few notes down.

"No, I hadn't. I just didn't want him to look at me differently."

"And did he?"

"No." Kinsley smiled. "He didn't. We had a good, long talk about it and everything is okay. He was very understanding. When I was blowing up at my ex-husband, I also blurted out that I was in love with Spencer. So, we had a nice chat about that as well."

"That's a big step for you. How did that go?"

"It, uh, it went very well. We, um, well, we had sex."

Dr. Ryland looked shocked as she wrote in her notes. "Really? And how do you feel about that?"

"I froze and had a flashback for a second, but he snapped me out of it. And when I realized where I was and who I was with, I was okay. I wasn't uncomfortable or anything. Just looking at him, I knew that I would be alright. He wasn't forcing me. I wanted to, with him."

"That is definitely a breakthrough for you. I'm very proud of the progress you've made this past year. I would like to think that it has something to do with Spencer."

"I really think it does. He's just… gets me. He's… he's perfect. What can I say?" Kinsley smiled. "I know that all of this doesn't mean that I'll get to quit coming to see you any time soon and I'm okay with that. I'm not normal and I never will be. But I can take each day to try and get as close as I can. With your help, of course."

Dr. Ryland smiled and sat her pen down. "I'm just here to talk you through things. You make your life better on your own. I'm here to help you realize where you're at on that journey." She glanced over at the clock. "Looks like we're out of time for today. Same time next week?"

"Of course. I'll be here. Thank you."

* * *

Spencer sat at his desk, swiveling in his chair and staring at the picture of him and Kinsley on his desk.

"What's on your mind, Reid?" Derek asked, sitting on the edge of Spencer's desk.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me." Spencer said, smiling.

"Good for you, man. What brought this on?"

Spencer looked up at Derek with a grin plastered on his face. "She told me she loved me. And we, uh, yeah, we- you know. She said that she loved me." Spencer ran his hands through his hair.

Derek chuckled when he realized what Spencer was alluding to and clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm happy for you. She's a good one."

"Yeah." Spencer grinned again. "She is. I don't want to let her go, you know? I don't know what I would do if I did."

"Well, if you need anything, just ask." Derek stood up and began to walk off.

"Will you help me go buy a ring? I have no idea what I'm doing."

Derek turned back around. "Sure. When were you thinking about going?"

"On lunch?"

Derek chuckled at Spencer's eagerness. "Sure thing. Let me know when you're ready to go."

* * *

Spencer crawled into bed with Kinsley and immediately pulled her close to him. "Sorry I had to bail on lunch. Something came up."

Kinsley sighed and smiled. "It's alright. I hung out with Alice. She decided that we needed to celebrate and go day-drinking. I had two glasses of wine and told her that was enough for me. She wasn't a big fan of me bailing. She's a bit terrifying when it comes to day-drinking. She's my best friend but she scares me a little." She chuckled.

"How was therapy?"

"She's very proud of my progress and thinks that it just might have something to do with you." Kinsley leaned back and gave Spencer a quick kiss.

"And what do you think?" Spencer asked, kissing Kinsley on her shoulder.

"I think that it has everything in the world to do with you."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's a very good thing, my love." Kinsley smiled. "So, I have an idea I want to run past you… I think I know what I want to do with my apartment."

Spencer nodded to let her know he was listening and for her to go on.

"I want Jamie and Gran to take it. If they deport Daniel, I don't know how comfortable I feel with them being in the same country. Especially now that he knows where Jamie is. And after everything that happened, Jamie isn't too keen on living with me just yet. Not that I really blame him."

"What about you? Your apartment is only a two-bedroom." Spencer inquired, feeling a small bit of nervousness about what Kinsley was going to say.

"Well, I was hoping I could stay here." Kinsley replied nonchalantly. "I mean, I think it's been going pretty well. Don't you?"

"I- uh… Yeah, of course!" Spencer grinned.

"Were you not expecting me to say that?" Kinsley cocked her eyebrow.

"I… I was hoping you would." He looked slightly embarrassed.

Kinsley leaned in and kissed Spencer. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Spencer cleared his throat. "So, uh, have you talked to your Gran about moving here?"

"Not yet. But I will soon. I'll keep up the rent and bills for her so she doesn't have to find a job. Not that she's ever had one. My grandfather was a self-made millionaire. But I don't want her to have to worry about money or anything."

"I understand. Have you spoken to her about this?"

"Not yet. I wanted to ask you first, obviously." Kinsley smiled and ran her fingers lightly down Spencer's torso. "Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"Surprisingly, not unless they call me in."

"Well, that is excellent news." Kinsley grinned and leaned in to kiss Spencer."

* * *

**3 Months Later**

Kinsley jumped up on the bed and straddled Spencer, effectively waking him up. She leaned down and kissed him, smiling from ear to ear.

"What are you so excited about?" Spencer asked, placing his hands on Kinsley's hips.

"Just got off the phone with Gran. She finally found a buyer for her place. So, she can move now."

"Wow. That's great."

"She wants us to come in about 3 or 4 weeks to help her finish packing. We can even go to Cardiff and do a few sightseeing things if we want."

Spencer yawned. "That-that would be great. Yeah."

"I'm sorry I woke you up." Kinsley kissed Spencer quickly. "I have to go get ready for work."

"Oh, no, you don't." Spencer wrapped an arm around Kinsley's waist and flipped her over, putting himself on top of her. "I'm glad that worked." He confessed, laughing a bit.

Kinsley couldn't help but to laugh either. "You're getting very confident, Mister."

Spencer just shrugged and kissed Kinsley. Their lips moved in unison and Kinsley ran her hands up Spencer's bare back to tangle her fingers in his hair.

Spencer broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to Kinsley's. "You're beautiful." He whispered. "Marry me." came out almost inaudibly as he bent his head to press a kiss to her neck.

"What?" Kinsley breathed out, pulling her head back as well as she could.

Spencer chuckled. "Marry me?" He looked so hopeful; like a kid in a candy store. "I- I have a ring. I'm not- I'm not just saying it-

"Yes."

"-to say it." Spencer finished his sentence. "What?"

"Of course I'll marry you." Kinsley smiled widely. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I do have a ring. Hold on." Spencer went to get out of bed, but Kinsley grabbed his arm. "What?"

"You're naked?" Kinsley replied, raising an eyebrow.

"I know."

"You're going to go find the ring and, what? Get down on one knee with no clothes on?" Kinsley couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well, I was thinking about it. What's the problem?" Spencer furrowed his brow and tried to find the flaw in his plan. Isn't that how people proposed? By getting down on one knee?

"Nothing." Kinsley laughed louder. "Just that… Nine months ago, you could barely look at me while I was half-dressed and now you want to propose properly, but with no clothes on. Think about how that sounds."

Spencer smiled and laughed a little. "You're right. That does sound a little ridiculous." Spencer got up and went to dig the ring box out of his sock drawer. "How about I don't get down on the ground?" He asked, opening the tiny box and pulling out the 3 carat, princess cut, diamond ring. He sat down on the bed and reached for Kinsley's left hand. "Are you sure?" He asked, slipping the ring onto her finger.

"Absolutely." Kinsley grinned as she looked at the ring. "Oh, Spence… It's beautiful. I love it." She leaned in to kiss Spencer. "How long have you been sitting on this?" She asked when she broke away.

"Three months." Spencer answered sheepishly.

"Three months?!" Kinsley laughed hard. "And that, my love, is why I took your number instead of giving you mine. I probably never would have heard from you if I hadn't!"

"I wanted it to be perfect. And romantic. And, you know, I didn't know if it was too cheesy to take you to dinner or a movie or both. Or a play. Or something. Nothing ever seemed right. So, I just decided that blurting it out would be my best option or I'd never get it done."

"Sometimes perfect can't be planned, darling. You overthink things too much. I love it when you're a bit spontaneous." Kinsley glanced at her ring again. "But now we have to plan a wedding. We should get married within the next year. Otherwise we'll both overthink and overplan and stress out about everything."

"I'm already overthinking it." Spencer looked a bit worried, but Kinsley smiled and took his hand and he relaxed. "I have to get ready for work."

"Oh, no. No. No. You don't get to propose to me and then just leave for work."

"I can't be late, Kins."

"Well, you're going to be late today. And so am I. Because I want engagement sex with my new fiancé." Kinsley had that look in her eye that drove Spencer wild. "Don't you?" She raised one eyebrow.

"I can be late today." Spencer replied as Kinsley pulled him on top of her.

X X X


End file.
